What would you do if you won the lottery? We’ve all daydreamed about it. Maybe a big new house, a fancy car, or quitting your job to travel the world. But what’s behind those daydreams?
It’s not just the stuff you’d buy. But the feeling you think it’ll bring you: contentment. A life without money worries, where you feel totally satisfied. That’s the feeling we’re all chasing.
The problem is, our brains often trick us into thinking the next big thing will make us happy. But once we get it, we just want more.
This is called the “hedonic treadmill,” a psychological concept that explains why we keep chasing after wealth without feeling truly fulfilled. You put in a lot of effort, but your happiness level doesn’t change much over time.
In this article, I’m going to share five science-backed rules that will help you separate happiness from your bank balance. The real goal is to build “psychological wealth”, an inner life full of meaning and satisfaction. Money won’t buy that directly, but these rules can help you create it.
Contents
Rule 1: Find Beauty in the Simple Things for True Happiness
Marcel Proust, the famous French writer, once told a story about a young man who was obsessed with the lives of the rich. Proust suggested he study the work of the artist Jean Siméon Chardin.
Unlike other artists, Chardin didn’t paint grand battles or royal portraits. He painted simple, everyday scenes, like a loaf of bread, a bowl of fruit, or a quiet kitchen. The point? Learn to appreciate the life you already have, instead of constantly longing for a different one.
This is what mindfulness is all about: being fully present in the moment. Our brains are wired to notice new things and ignore the familiar, but mindfulness helps us flip that switch and appreciate the everyday moments around us.
One simple, research-backed exercise from positive psychology is called “Three Good Things.” Each night, take a moment to write down three things that went well that day, and think about why they happened. This helps you shift your brain away from what you don’t have or what you wish for.
By actively finding joy in the small, everyday moments, like a peaceful walk, a warm cup of coffee, or a great conversation, you build a foundation of contentment that doesn’t rely on your bank account. This kind of self-made happiness is like a shield. It makes you less likely to fall for the constant pressure to want more.
So when you see an ad for the latest sports car, know that your happiness is already anchored in something deeper, making it easier to resist the urge to keep chasing “more.”
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Rule 2: Focus on Contentment, Not Just a Bigger Paycheck
Think about the happiest person you know. Are they also the wealthiest? Chances are, they’ve just reached a point where they can say, “I’m happy with what I have.”
Take, for example, a grandfather who lived on a small Social Security check for years. He wasn’t rich by any means. Technically, she was close to poverty, but she found joy in his little garden and reading library books. He had very little but was perfectly happy with even less.
One study found that for people who are less happy to begin with, happiness levels stop rising after they hit around $100,000 a year. For most people, making more money brings only small increases in well-being after that.
This is what psychologists call the “hedonic treadmill.” At first, getting a raise feels amazing. But over time, that higher salary just becomes the new normal. Your expectations adjust, and your happiness level pretty much returns to where it was.
The “happiness plateau” that research talks about isn’t a bad thing, though. It gives you the freedom to step off that treadmill. Many people feel pressured to earn more, sacrificing their time, health, and relationships for a bigger paycheck. But this research shows that the emotional rewards from those sacrifices are minimal or nonexistent after a certain point.
So, choosing a job with less stress over a higher salary is (maybe) actually a smart move for your well-being!
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Rule 3: Want Less, Enjoy More
Most of us have a clear hierarchy when it comes to desires. When you really want something and can’t have it, it can feel like pure frustration. This sense of longing is what fuels consumer culture, convincing us that we’re never quite enough as we are. But the secret to breaking free from this cycle is learning to manage where your desires come from.
The Stoic philosophers taught what they called the “Discipline of Desire.” Their advice? Only desire what you can control—your thoughts, values, and actions. Don’t get attached to things you can’t control, like wealth or social status. This doesn’t mean you should shut off your emotions; it means you stop letting external things hold your peace of mind hostage.
In a similar vein, Buddhism teaches that craving and attachment are the root of all suffering. This doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy your life or your things. It just means that clinging to them like they’re permanent causes pain. Everything is temporary, and when we accept that, we can enjoy what we have without it becoming the key to our happiness.
Before letting a new desire take root, ask yourself, “Will wanting this truly improve my well-being, or will it just create more anxiety?” We often treat desire like an uncontrollable force, but these teachings show that it’s actually a habit we can observe, understand, and train.
Rule 4: Build Psychological Wealth with Realistic Goals
I’ve met a few millionaires, and not one of them seemed as happy as a contented grandfather I once knew. His low expectations gave her a sense of peace, and that peace was a huge source of psychological wealth. It’s a kind of richness that some of the world’s wealthiest people may lack.
So, what exactly is psychological wealth? It’s a term from positive psychology that refers to a person’s overall sense of well-being. It includes things like life satisfaction, frequent positive emotions, and a deep sense of purpose. This is the true measure of a rich life, far more important than the number in your bank account.
Now, when people say “low expectations,” it can sound like a negative thing, but it’s really about having realistic and well-managed expectations.
There’s a simple formula to keep in mind: Happiness = Reality – Expectations. If you can’t easily change your reality (like how much you earn), then managing your expectations is your most powerful tool for increasing happiness. This is especially important for those who feel they don’t have enough money to be happy.
Life is unpredictable—job loss, health issues, or financial setbacks can all threaten your security. If your happiness is tied only to your bank account, then a financial blow can feel like it’s taking everything from you. But someone with high psychological wealth has a more balanced “well-being portfolio.” Their happiness comes from strong relationships, a sense of purpose, and personal growth.
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Rule 5: Master the Gap for Lasting Happiness
Happiness is all about the gap between your circumstances and your expectations. This idea ties everything else together.
Think about it: the person with everything but always wanting more feels poorer than someone who has less but is content with what they have. This doesn’t mean you have to live like a monk. You can have a beautiful home and take amazing vacations. The key is to be content with what you have and desire nothing more.
This connects to a psychological concept called locus of control. People with an internal locus of control believe they’re in charge of their own happiness, while those with an external locus of control think outside forces control their happiness.
These five rules are all about developing that internal control. You learn to manage the one thing you can control: your own mind.
Most people see happiness as a destination, thinking, “I’ll be happy when I get that promotion.” But the “gap” model shows that’s a myth. Our reality is always shifting, and our expectations are constantly changing. Happiness isn’t a place you reach; it’s a state you practice maintaining.
This practice involves everything we’ve talked about. You use mindfulness to appreciate your current situation. You cultivate contentment to lower your expectations. You regulate your desires to prevent your expectations from growing. This is incredibly empowering because it means you don’t have to wait for everything to be perfect.
You can start practicing happiness right now by working with your mind. The real secret to using money to be happy? Shrink the gap on the expectations side, not just the reality side.
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You’ve Been Rich All Along
The constant chase for more money is often really a chase for happiness. But as we’ve learned, the two aren’t always connected. True, lasting happiness doesn’t come from a bigger paycheck; it comes from developing a different set of skills.
The five rules we’ve talked about give you a toolkit for creating this rich inner life:
- Find beauty in the ordinary moments around you.
- Aim for “enough,” not for “more.”
- Train your desires, don’t let them control you.
- Invest in your psychological wealth above all else.
- Master the gap between what you have and what you want.
The sooner you can look around and say, “This is enough,” the sooner you’ll realize that you’ve been rich all along. After all, true happiness begins when the chase for more finally comes to an end.